Love

Valentine's Day is looming near, rearing it's ugly head to the fear and consternation of lovers everywhere. The one day in which affection becomes obligatory, no longer a joy freely given. But it leaves one wondering, or at least this one wondering, what is the nature of love?
It has always been my personal belief that love is something we grow into you. That blinding lights to the brain, odd revelations in the middle of the night- music, fairy dust and all that rot- were abstract works of fiction created to inspire the parting of money and pocket. That love, true and abiding love, was an animal of an entirely different nature. It was slow, solid and deliberate. Basically the mule of the emotional world- steady and plodding, but gets the job done without too much fan fair. That often, under the flash and attraction of first love there lay the mule ready to take over where the race horse left off, if one may excuse the extended equine analogy.
Perhaps things are not so simple. Love is something else entirely, or rather- it is entirely neither but shares the characteristics of both. Love is the quick flash- the burning light to the brain. It is waking up in the middle of the night with the sudden realization- I am in love. It is the feeling of innate rightness, deep in the soul that who and what you are is meant to be with another. But it is also that slow deliberate plodding creature. It is choosing to spend time watching a football game when you would rather be reading. It is leaving the last cookie in the bag for someone else. It is sitting quiet with someone without a word to say and being content in the silence.
Perhaps in the end, love is knowing that you would rather run the uncertain risk of entering into a relationship with someone then to never know what might have been.

And off he goes.....

Well, dear BF is off to training in lovely and scenic Manhattan, Kansas. When he called last night, he was complaining about the weather- apparently it was in the teens/low twenties which is quite a big jump from lows in the fifties here in Texas. Adding further to his frustration is the fact that the military, in all it's wisdom, designed a schedule in which they were rushed up from Texas only to have a day off today, in-processing tomorrow and Thursday through Monday off. Basically, those days which he could have spent with me or his daughter are completely wasted. Typical military. He's completely frustrated and will start looking to transfer to a special assignment for the last of his military career. Selfishly, I would love to have him set in recruiting for the next three years until retirement.

I have been wondering if our relationship hasn't outpaced itself a bit. A lot of the problem is that he wanted things more settled and certain before he left. Which I could understand, what's the use of pinning your hopes on someone who may or may not be there in eight months when you return. Its a pretty common story in the military- boy meets girl. Boy gets deployed. Boy returns to find girl with other boy in bed. Sometimes people have returned to full divorce petitions. Every one I know who has deployed has that in the back of their minds when they leave a loved one. So I really do understand why things progressed so quickly.

Its going to take quite a bit for me to shift him out of my focus for the next few months. I have to graduate and I can't let anything distract me too much. Fortunately the worst is over with last semester and I am looking forward to many of my courses this semester. I have added a second job at the hospital- its an extern position which will help me learn the ropes there and gain the skills I will need as a nurse. I feel I have a good grasp of why things are done and what to look for in patients, but the actual skills are a bit weak due to a lack of opportunities to practice. Unfortunately, you can't just start an IV on someone because you want the practice. Something silly about ethics. Whatever. Pfft.

Holiday Happenings

Well, spent Christmas with the parents. I drove back to Midland with the mutts in tow on the Saturday before Christmas (having neatly planned being only able to stay with them for five days). It was a nice trip though. My mother and I didn't have enough time to start any fights, what with the holiday preparations and what not. The only major contention was my oldest dog, Lilith. I had allowed my parents to keep her after I managed to get a house with a large backyard because they were convinced that my other small dogs would drive her crazy. However this holiday I couldn't stand watching my mother feed a now obese ten year old dog cheesy-beefy rice. So, Lilith has returned home with me. And it was a great decision, for her at least. She's on a good diet now and I have taken her to the dog park a number of times. She trots around the park trying to break up the fights between other dogs and once Pongo has annoyed another dog beyond all measure, Pongo hides under her belly for protection.

The dog park is an interesting phenomenon. All the "how to net and pen a suitable dating partner" books and articles always mention dog parks as a great place to meet people. I can only assume that this is because they have never actually been to one. For those of you who have not, its a culture unto itself. People stand around watching their dogs telling each other elaborate (and mostly made up) stories about how wonderful their dogs are with the occasional interjection of "Molly, stop that! No!" and "Oh, she never does that at home....". No one introduces themselves. We introduce the dogs. I am now officially "Lilith's, Pongo's and Beaudroux's Mom". I mean, I always wanted a title, right? We spend time tickling other people's dogs, throwing balls for them, laughing with them and sitting with a huge pile of dogs around us. But we barely look at the other humans around us. Because the dog park is literally, for the dogs. So, by all means- take your dog to the dog park. They will never be happier then running around and interacting with all the other crazy mutts. But don't expect too much on the human side of things, for at the dog park the dogs definitely rule.

And in other news, the man I am dating is about to be sent off for training. He deploys to Afghanistan in March. We just started dating, so who knows what so many months separated will do. My timing has always been a bitch.