End of third semester

The last few weeks have been hectic, though good. Better perhaps then I even realized when I was in the mist of the days. As it turns out, management clinical has been going very well. I feel like a nurse, finally. I finally feel like I have chosen well, that I will appreciate my new vocation. And yes, it is a vocation. I give so much of myself, can it be anything else? Anything less? Being a nurse is more then a job, its a calling. And not an easy one at that. At the end of the day I am as drained as emotionally as I am physically. My heart aches as much as my feet. I have always been a receptacle for others, an easy place for them to lay their burdens. But being in the hospital has fine tuned this gift. Or curse. I am, now more then ever, the safe place. Its hard, but good. It needs to be done- the patients are so much more then just illness and injury.
And so, my third semester of nursing school is drawing to a close and I must start looking forward. I am suddenly asking myself, what do I want to do with this? My mental health instructor wants me to go into mental health nursing and my pediatric nursing instructor recommends that. I feel pulled in both directions. I know I have the capacity to do either, and do them well enough. But the question remains, what do I want to do? I know I am not alone in this query. I have turned to several of my friends with "What next?" and generally receive the same answer I have, "I don't know." We have all been so caught up in getting to the end that now that the end is in sight not one of us is sure about what we will do next. So I plan on taking this Christmas break to update my resume, start the outline for a cover letter and look around to see what I might possibly wish to do with the rest of my life.
To add to that, several members of our church are anxiously awaiting the decision of our bishop regarding the diaconate in the Diocese of West Texas. The meeting is in February to present the findings of the committee and hopefully we will know something in a month or two. From my understanding, the new bishop is very much willing to start a diaconate here, though there are several details to hash out. But there is always the chance that it will be rejected. Which will leave me in a bit of a quandary. I know that what I view as my ministry- creating a health clinic out of St. Paul's will not be affected but it will mean I will have to rethink what I feel is my calling. So, I am learning patience (a much needed virtue of which I have little) and acceptance.